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Part 4: A New Truth
In our first articles on "bad mothers," we established that women have failed their children, either through abuse, neglect and abandonment, or due to poverty, mental illness or even death. And we described some of the factors that make the impact of this failure on their children, especially their daughters, so difficult to overcome.
Last week we looked at the tendency for abused children to feel responsible for their own abuse when they shouldn't and to refuse to take responsibility for current actions when they should. This may have seemed a little harsh, and I don't mean to describe an "instantaneous" result. Many times progress along these lines comes slowly and with professional therapy.
But it is important to accept that there is a better life for you and to get rid of feelings of helplessness that bind you to the past. Only in this way can you begin to take responsibility for a better future and know that by doing the right things for yourself, you can claim it.
Whenever we are dealing with making changes in our lives, especially as we relate to other people, it is important to look at the stumbling blocks that would keep us from moving forward. As we think about our lives with a mother who was less than adequate, we often get stuck or bogged down in a certain way of thinking. This negative pattern is not only unproductive, but can actually do damage.
This week we want to focus on seeing the prospect of a new reality and finding a new truth. Jesus tells us:
John 8:31
If you hold to my teaching,
you are really my disciples.
Then you will know the truth
and the truth will set you free.
Even a cursory reading of the Bible tells us that God has promised us so many wonderful blessings. He gives us:
comfort
peace
joy
love
forgiveness
satisfaction
freedom
contentment
fellowship
provision
and all of this followed by a home in Heaven. Satan can't stand the thought of us enjoying God's blessings, even if we are already Christians. So the quickest way for him to defeat us is through our own minds. He tells us lies. If we have suffered at all in our lives, Satan has a quick inside door. It seems to take little effort to discourage us and make us feel defeated and hopeless.
Growing us with a bad mother, or no mother, leaves women and girls especially vulnerable to Satan's attack. Here are some of Satan's lies. Do any of these sound familiar? See if he has whispered any of these things in your ear lately.
- You must be worthless. Your own mother rejected you.
- How can anyone ever love you when your own mother didn't love you?
- There must be something wrong with you since your
mother abused you.
- You might as well give up. It is hopeless for you to be any different than your mother.
- Everyone else's mother loves them so there must be something really wrong with you.
- You are the only one whose mother didn't love them. You are worse than anyone.
- You are an adult and you still haven't figured it all out.
- You might as well stop trying.
Stop trying. That is Satan's bottom line. Just give it up. Why bother? Remember that Satan is a liar. The Bible tells us he is the "father of lies."
John 8:44
The devil is a liar. When he speaks a falsehood,
he speaks what is natural to him, for he is a liar
and the father of lies and of all that is false.
As you are working to resolve your past, remember that the evil and negative messages that play over and over in your mind are lies of Satan. If you chose to believe these lies, then you are giving in to Satan and his plans. You will stay in the chains of defeat and discouragement.
Overcoming abuse and abandonment as a child is hard work and there is no question about that. So why should you try? Because God has so much more for you. Yes, it is often a long and difficult path to follow. But it is worth it. Along the way you can discover freedom, joy, peace.
We must break Satan's hold on our minds begin to banish his lies. We can only do that by concentrating on God's truth.
So what truth can help us overcome the hurt of our past?
1. God loves you.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one
and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall
not perish but have eternal life.
2. God has made you his child.
I John 3:1
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us,
that we should be called children of God!
3. God loves you just as you are. You don't have to change to earn His love.
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
4. God loves you so much, he let his son die for you.
Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up
for us all - how will he not also, along with him,
graciously give us all things?
5. God promises to take care of you (more on this in a later article).
Philipians 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to
his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
6. God wants you to be with him for eternity.
John 14:2
In my Father's house are many rooms, if it were
not so, I would have told you. I am going there to
prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a
place for you, I will come back and take you to be
with me that you also may be where I am.
Next week we will look at more ways that God wants to help you heal from your past wounds. But this week, I hope that you will know and accept the truth of God's love for you. God's love is the same for all of us, regardless of who we are, what we have done or whether or not we had good parents.
Ask God to help you identify the lies that play over and over in your mind and hold you back. Commit today to reject those lies. Ask God to help you know the truth and let His truth set you free.
With all my heart,
Lillian
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