In just the few days we've had the website up, we've already had several requests for when sons lose their mothers. So I asked my brother, Bob Bridges, to put some of his thoughts here as our first guest contributor.

For Sons

Lillian has already received requests to turn some attention to sons that have lost their mothers. I don't have the same education that my sister does so I'm not qualified to provide any counseling or therapy like she does. But I can tell you my story and pray it may be of some benefit to you.

The time when Mother's death hit me the hardest wasn't Mother's Day or Christmas or her birthday. Perhaps selfishly, it was my first birthday after her death. There was a connection there that I hadn't anticipated. I realized that exactly 42 years earlier, the only person who mattered for me was her. It had just been her and me. And now, one of the team was gone. That day, I felt alone.

But I worked through that and several things have helped me. 

First, I was able to avoid regrets. Even before Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, she taught us to "give her flowers while she could smell them." So she and I kept pretty short books. If there was a problem, we dealt with it or we didn't and we moved on. When she died, she'd already smelled all my flowers. If your mother is still alive, share your flowers with her now while you can.

Second, I decided to choose my memories. Proverbs 23:7 says "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." The "free will" that God gave us means we can choose what we think. Studies show that your subconscious mind can't tell the difference between what you can see and touch and a strong thought impulse. I had a variety of strong memories I could choose from. I chose the most positive and the most pleasant.

Does this mean I'm "in denial?" No, at least not in this case. To me, denial means there's a problem confronting me that I refuse to acknowledge or try to solve. Mother's death is a reality. But this isn't a problem to be solved. It is part of the normal progression of life. I just have to deal with the reality. How can I fill the empty place? I fill it with one of the memories I've kept just for that purpose. And every time I recall one of my good memories, it grows stronger and becomes easier to recall when I need it.

This isn't some great new technique I've come up with. Phillippians 4:8-9 teaches us to do this very thing. "...whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." We can choose what we allow to fill our minds.

Lastly, I sought God's comfort. Ultimately, there is no peace about our mother's death or anything else except it comes from God. Phillippians 4:7 says "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

I saw my mother's mother, my grandmother Fisher, say "If I could bring her back by just raising my hand" and she raised her hand as a gesture, "I wouldn't do it." She said this of her own child, her own daughter. She went on "because she was suffering so much and I know she is in a better place with her Lord."

Paul wrote in I Thessalonians 4:16-18 "...the dead in Christ shall rise first; then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air; and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore, comfort one another with these words." 

Her own mother drew comfort from this and I let these words comfort me too. By the way, my grandmother Bridges (her name was Lillian Bridges) chose the first part of that passage "the dead in Christ shall rise first" to be on her grave stone. Not for her benefit, but to comfort us, "...we who are alive and remain..."

My prayer for you this Mother's Day is that you find God's peace.  Numbers 6:26 -- "The Lord bless thee, and keep thee; the Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee; the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace." His peace.

Bob Bridges