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Greetings and thanks for subscribing to TheLillyPond.com ezine! I'm Lillian Hinds and this ezine is dedicated to all mothers, daughters and the other important women in their families. Because we respect your privacy and value your subscription, we don't share your email address with anyone. If you'd like to be removed from our mailing list, please see instructions at the end of this ezine.
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Volume 2 Issue 10: In the Pond This Week
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1. Note to My Readers: Pond Talk
2. Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child
Part 7: Hard Pressed, But Not Crushed
3. The Un-Commercial
4. Share The Lilly Pond
5. Contact Me
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1. Note to My Readers: Pond Talk
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Dear Ponder:
Trials continue. If you haven't noticed, our website, www.thelillypond.com was down last week. It is back up, but please be patient this week as we'll be attempting to change hosting services and avoid these problems. But there will likely be downtimes again as we complete the change over.
This week we are finishing our series on Bad Mothers. This series has been a difficult one to work through. I pray that it has been a blessing to you.
We have articles in mind between now and Mother's Day. Also be sure and see the "Un-Commercial" at the end of this ezine. A lot will be happening "at the pond" over the next few weeks and you don't want to miss any of it.
Thank you for your confidence and love and prayers as we conclude our series "Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child."
With all my heart,
Lillian
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2. Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child
Part 7: Hard Pressed, But Not Crushed
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This is the last in our series of articles on "bad mothers." It is a difficult subject to address but we pray that it has been helpful for those of you who have lived through the nightmares we can only touch upon. And we pray for those who have not had these experiences that you would be mindful of others who have and be better prepared to reach out to them.
In these articles, we observed that daughters especially can feel abused, abandoned and guilty whether their mother was truly evil or caught in the throes of poverty, ignorance or mental illness. And a daughter can feel just as abandoned by a mother who dies. So from the perspective of the daughter, this is a more pervasive problem than we like to think and a problem that many have difficulty addressing.
From there, we began to map out a path toward healing. We must take responsibility for our actions now but not for the events we had no control over. We showed that God really has a better reality, a new truth of His love, for us. And touched on that most difficult step we must take: forgiveness. Forgiving our mothers, forgiving ourselves and forgiving others as we have been forgiven.
In our last issue, we acknowledged that these things are not easy, that the hurt goes deep. Picking up from where we are and taking steps to change takes courage and patience and often professional help is required. But change we must if it's the right thing to do, even if the outcome cannot be foreseen or guaranteed.
WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE
As you begin to take these steps toward healing, it is very common to become discouraged and isolated and feel like you're the only one. One of the worst feelings in the world is the feeling that you might be alone. The feeling that nobody cares, nobody understands. "Me against the world."
My purpose today is to remind you that God does not leave us alone. Not only does he walk with us and abide in us, he has given us His Holy Spirit to provide comfort and even to help us pray. God provides strength through his Word. He provides peace when all around us are in turmoil. He gives us forgiveness and mercy in a world that is cruel and relentless. He gives us hope and faith and most of all, He gives us love through His Son.
OUR FAMILIES
God did not intend for anyone to be alone. He placed us in families from the beginning and His desire was for all of us to know a loving home. Living in a world of sin and evil often robs us of that secure place. Families are subject to disease, addiction, mental illness, abuse, neglect and ultimately death. But God meant for families to care for us and provide the nurturing, encouragement, support and guidance that we all need.
Psalm 68:5-6
"A father to the fatherless,
a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families."
OUR CHURCHES
God provided another family for us. The church. While a church can often be just as frustrating and provoking as a biological family, the idea remains that this is an institution that God ordained. Again, He intended for the church to not only provide a means of serving and worshipping, but for taking care of each other, offering nurturing and support and ultimately, love.
I Thessalonians 5:11
"Wherefore, comfort yourselves together,
and edify one another, even as also ye do."
OTHER PEOPLE
One of the most significant ways that God blesses us is through other people. Regardless of how loving or neglectful your family may be, all of us have needed something extra from time to time: extra advice, extra wisdom, extra guidance. God uses other "jars of clay" to minister to us.
II Corinthians 4:7
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay
to show that this all-surpassing power
is from God and not from us."
After my mother died, I realized that there were other women in my life that were there for me. Some of them had always been there. I just hadn't noticed them as much until Mother was gone.
Aunt Lois
When I was a little girl and I was not at home, I was at "Auntie's" house. She had two daughters close to my age and we pretty much grew up together. Aunt Lois, the oldest of Mother's younger sisters, taught me to sing harmony, made clothes for the three of us that matched and reminded me about the roadblocks that God puts in our path to warn us of danger. Most of all she loved me unconditionally. When I was a single mom, she kept my baby nearly ever weekend, and we had supper at her house on Monday nights. Anytime we sat down to eat, she would say, "Isn't this a yummy lunch?"
Her faith was unwavering and her confidence in her Lord was unshakable. I have watched her face many trials and heartaches over her lifetime. But always she faced them with faith and with love. She lives in another state now and I don't get to see her as often. But I could drive up to her door this afternoon and she would run out with a huge smile on her face, and she'd hug me and say, "Why, it's Lillian Marie!" And she would invite me in and that precious love and support would wash over me again. How blessed I have been in my lifetime to have her.
Ms. Patsy
Ms. Patsy was a close friend of my mother's. She went to high school with my dad and knew my grandparents before they died. Her parents were like grandparents to me and we spent many happy hours in their home.
When I moved from Houston to Tyler, Ms. Patsy just added me to her bunch. I had known her all my life but had only seen her once or twice a year. Now I saw her every week at church and sometimes in between.
When Mother died, Patsy provided a loving hand to me. She would let me call her and cry and she would cry with me because she missed my mother too. She would remind me what temperature to set my oven to cook a roast. I knew how to cook a roast. But I missed my mother so much. So when I couldn't stand it anymore, and I needed to talk to my mother, I would call Ms. Patsy instead. She never turned me away. She still loves me and although I seem to have that roast thing under control now, she is still glad to see me and hear from me. What would I have done without her?
Linda
My dad eventually remarried. I had known Linda for many years and we were already friends. But having a stepmother was a new experience for me and I wasn't completely sure how to go about this particular relationship. Ironically, I found a model in my own stepchildren who were grown when I married their dad. They accepted me unconditionally and seemed to be glad that I loved their father. I thought that might work for me too.
I felt like Dad deserved as much happiness as possible and I didn't like for him to be alone. I was glad that he was getting married again and I expressed that to Linda. We have become even closer friends.
She has loved me through some terrific heartaches that I have suffered during the past few years. Her encouragement to me personally and to my family has been amazing and a true demonstration of God's grace. I can call her with confidence and know that she is always on my side.
Kaye
One of the things that I missed so much when my mother died was advice on raising my children. I did pretty well until they became teenagers and then I felt like a ship adrift on the high seas! I had no direction and knew I was not doing a good job.
I had met Kaye in college a few years before and we had become good friends. She had 2 children that were just older than mine. If you read my series on teenagers ("Who's That Stranger Living in My Little Girl's Room") you know that at one point I completely lost it and threw a hairbrush at my 14 year old daughter. I was so ashamed and frustrated. I called Kaye and poured out my heart to her. She brought me a book and a set of tapes. She talked to me for a long time, gave me some helpful tips and encouraged me.
Whenever I felt that I was "loosing it" again, I called Kaye and she was there for me. I don't know that I could have made it through those teen years without this special "mom" in my life. My daughters are pretty glad she was around too!
My Ensemble
When I stop and think it through, I find that God has given me such a wonderful group of ladies that are so precious to me. No one person can ever take the place of my mother. And no one tries. But each one plays their part and together, I have the support I need.
In addition to the ladies I mentioned above, there is Gay who accepts me as I am and helps me to laugh at myself. Elaine always helps me turn my eyes back to Jesus and shares my love of music. Sharon probably has the personality closest to my mother's. Sharon came into my life in November many years ago, and my mother died two months later. I knew almost immediately that for good and for bad (did I mention that she is a lot like my mother?) God had brought her to me. And Janet has been like a sister to me, the sister I never had.
God does not intend for us to be alone or to be lonely. If you feel that you have no one, especially if you have lost your own mother, look around. There are people in your life who are ready to do their part. Just knowing that they are there can bless you and help you heal from that loss.
PULL SOMEONE ALONG
The year after my mother died I went back to college to complete my degree in psychology. Part of my curriculum included a class on group therapy and participation in the actual group itself. As we participated and completed exercises and projects, we got to know each other better. One day a young woman, we'll call her Carol, began to share about the rejection she had suffered from her mother. She felt that she could never please her or gain her approval.
This young woman was doing a terrific job as a single mom, working, going back to school. My heart grieved that her mother couldn't be proud of her. The therapist asked Carol if there was anyone in the group that she could see as her mother and that could give her approval. To my complete surprise, Carol chose me. I wasn't that much older that she was and I truly wasn't expecting it.
But then I realized that I had something to give her. I really was very proud of her and the praise and approval I had for her was genuine. I could offer her support and encouragement. And I could offer her my love.
It was a special moment for both of us. She found some needed healing and I learned an important lesson. I was not just to receive blessings from the other women in my life. I was to try to give them as well. Since that time the Lord has brought me many opportunities to love and encourage other women. As I get older, the women seem to be getting younger! I am not their mother, any more than I was Carol's mother. But each time, God has shown me that I have something important to pass along - His love!
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Blessed be God,
even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies,
and the God of all comfort.
"Who comforteth us in all our tribulation,
that we may be able to comfort them
who are in any trouble,
by the comfort with which we ourselves
are comforted of God."
Look around you. Someone is waiting to love you. Then look around again. Someone is waiting for your love.
THE COMFORTER
We know our families may fail us, even abuse us, our churches may not be perfect, and our friends and loved ones may not be there when we need them. So God made sure that we would have the Holy Spirit, the Comforter that would never fail us.
John 14:16-18
"And I will pray the Father,
and he shall give you another Comforter,
that he may abide with you forever;
"Even the Spirit of truth,
whom the world cannot receive,
because it seeth him not,
neither knoweth him:
but ye know him;
for he dwelleth with you,
and shall be in you.
"I will not leave you comfortless;
I will come to you."
Many times we hurt, we feel isolated and alone and hope seems to evaporate. We don't even know how to pray. But our Comforter knows and He steps in for us.
Romans 8:26 (AMP)
"So too the Holy Spirit comes to our aid
and bears us up in our weakness;
for we do not know what prayer to offer
nor how to offer it worthily as we ought,
but the Spirit Himself goes to meet our supplication
and pleads in our behalf
with unspeakable yearnings
and groanings too deep for utterance."
We've covered some difficult and painful subjects. I know that it's impossible to address your individual situation in the space of a few articles. More than that, I want you to know that I don't approach this subject lightly. I never mean to imply that pulling out of your situation is easy or that healing is instantaneous or magic.
But change we must. No matter how bad it is, whether it is an immediate heartache or a agonizing pain from long ago. When we see where we are, we must not continue to live in that pain. We must use that revelation as a starting place, as a jumping off place to begin the healing process and move toward the best that God has for us.
I John 4:4
"You, dear children, are from God
and have overcome them,
because the one who is in you
is greater than
the one who is in the world."
For those of you who have suffered at the hands of a mother who was evil, a mother who was mentally ill, a mother lost to death or possibly a mother in the throes of poverty or ignorance, I want to close this series with these two promises.
II Corinthians 4:7-8
"We are hard pressed on every side,
but not crushed;
perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not abandoned;
struck down, but not destroyed."
And this powerful verse in Hebrews is from the Amplified Version. The emphasis here has been a real blessing to me.
Hebrews 13:5 AMP
"For God Himself has said,
I will not in any way fail you
nor give you up
nor leave you without support.
"I will not,
I will not,
I will not in any degree leave you helpless
nor forsake nor let you down
nor relax My hold on you!
"Assuredly not!"
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
With all my heart,
Lillian
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3. The Un-Commercial
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Whatever you do this week, don't buy my book "Always Wear Clean Underwear."
That's right. Don't buy it this week.
Wait until next week. We've got a Mother's Day special in the works that you're really going to like.
After all, this is the first Mother's Day the book has been out so nobody's mother has ever received this book for Mother's Day before. The perfect gift. And we're going to throw in a little something extra to help make it even more perfect. (Is that possible?)
Anyway, don't buy it this week. Wait until next week. All the details will be on the website and in this ezine next Monday.
With all my heart,
Lillian
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4. Share The Lilly Pond
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If you know someone who would enjoy having The Lilly Pond ezine, please feel free to forward this issue to them. If you received this ezine from a friend and you'd like to subscribe, you can go to www.TheLillyPond.com and subscribe for free or just click here to send an email to us with "SUBSCRIBE" in the Subject line. Thanks.
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5. Contact Me
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Your comments are welcome. Click here to email me.
Thanks for reading!
With all my heart,
Lillian
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