|
Greetings and thanks for subscribing to TheLillyPond.com
ezine! I'm Lillian Hinds and this ezine is dedicated to all
mothers, daughters and the other important women in their
families. Its goal is to give you a lift and inspire you
with enjoyable true stories from you and from me about
mother-daughter relationships.
Because we respect your privacy and value your
subscription, we don't share your email address with
anyone. If you'd like to be removed from our mailing list,
please see instructions at the end of this ezine.
===============================
Issue 15: In the Pond This Week
===============================
1. Note to My Readers: Update
2. What's Your Story?
3. I Remember Where I Was
4. Share The Lilly Pond
5. How to Submit Your Story
6. Contact Me
===============================
1. Note to My Readers: Update
===============================
Dear Lilly Ponders:
We're still here. It just took a little longer to get a
couple of distracting projects out of the way. We are
making good progress on redesigning the web site to make it
easier for you to find what you're looking for. Watch this
space for an announcement very soon.
We continue to offer our prayers for the victims of the
attacks on New York, Washington DC and Pennsylvania. And to
that we add our prayers for our service men and women who
serve in our stead in defense of our sacred liberty.
With this ezine, we'll finish our series on "My Daughter
Hates Me." Thanks for reading.
With all my heart, Lillian
===============================
2. What's Your Story?
===============================
If you have a lesson you learned from your mother, or an
inspirational story of a situation you've worked through,
or whatever comes to your mind, write it down in an email
to stories@thelillypond.com
Just knowing that you cared enough to write your story will
help encourage others to write theirs. And YOU DON'T KNOW
whom your story will touch. So, write me your story, and
see instructions for submissions at the end of this ezine.
===============================
3. My Daughter Hates Me:
Part 7: The Greatest of These
===============================
This is the last article of the series on "My Daughter
Hates Me" and this would be a good place to review what
we've covered:
- Check your own behavior and take responsibility for what
you are doing (or not doing) in your relationship.
- With the help of others, determine if you are coming
across as you want to. See if your message matches your
intent.
- Focus on something positive and make sure that you spend
time talking about that.
- Look for ways to determine not only what God is trying to
do in your daughter's life (and staying out of the way) but
what God is possibly trying to do in your life as well.
- Swallow your pride and take that first step toward
reconciliation.
- Invest your time. Healing broken relationships can often
take a great deal of time, but is oh, so worth it.
As we end our series on what to do when "your daughter
hates you," I feel we can't wrap up until we address the
topic of Love.
It's easy to talk about love and sing about love. But of
all the things we've discussed, I think this one is the
hardest. Why is that? Because at some point in our lives,
we're unlovable.
Yep. It's true! I don't care what the relationship is:
husband, wife, father, mother, sister, brother, son,
daughter, friend, neighbor, co-worker or your Sunday School
teacher. There will be a time when it's difficult to love
that person. When you are so angry, frustrated, hurt,
disgusted, betrayed and/or defeated that what you really
want to do is hold his/her head in a toilet and flush it a
few times . . . oh. Sorry. Did I get a little carried away
there? Well, admit it. You've felt that way too, haven't
you?
And we're talking about someone that you supposedly already
love. Not an enemy or a stranger. No, this is someone that
is related to you by blood or a marriage vow or as a
brother or sister in Christ. It seems obvious that we would
love those closest to us. But at times, we don't even like
those people, much less love them.
So how do we go about showing our love during those really
"unlovable" times? I don't think we can address the idea
of "love" in any form without first thinking of God and His
love for us. So let's look at what God has in mind when He
is talking about love.
1. Love is not really an option. It isn't even a
suggestion. It is a command from God. .John 15:12 My
command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. God
is pretty direct about this command. And we had better pay
attention to it. Do not casually dismiss a relationship
because you're angry or hurt. You are commanded to love
that person anyway.
2. In the Bible, "love" is usually an action verb. How do
we know that God loved us? Because of what He did. John
3:16 God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten
Son... God loved us so He did something about it. He took
drastic action to demonstrate His love.
3. Love doesn't wait until the other person is lovable.
Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in
this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. God
took action before we were aware of it, even though we
didn't deserve it and while some still reject it. Nothing
stops His love. Not even the other person being wrong.
4. Love does the right thing, just because it is the right
thing to do. Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, do good to
them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything
back. I really don't like to find verses like that in the
Bible. Because if I do something good for you, I would
really like for you to do something good for me. It just
makes sense in my mind. But love, especially God's love,
doesn't always make sense.
5. Love doesn't keep score. For the most part, the biggest
problems in our relationships are caused by the smallest
events, the "straw that broke the camel's back." How does
this happen? Someone we love commits a small offense.
Perhaps they didn't even realize they offended you. It is
too small for you to bring up. But you don't let it go. You
save it up.
Eric Bern called this phenomenon "saving brown stamps."
Some grocery stores still issue "green stamps" with each
purchase. You paste them in a special book and when you get
enough saved up, you can trade them in for merchandise.
Often we find ourselves saving a brown stamp whenever
someone slights us. Then when we get a book pasted full of
brown stamps, we just explode with no warning. After all,
it's our right to tee off. We've got the book full of minor
offenses to justify it. But the one we love is completely
surprised and confused.
"What got into you?" is the clue. Step back and see if
you've just cashed in a big book of brown stamps.
I Corinthians 13:4-8 lists many important attributes about
love. But one of the most important is that love "…keeps no
record of wrongs" or "love doesn't keep score." How many
relationships would have been salvaged if we simply threw
away our books pasted full of "brown stamps." When someone
you love offends you, no matter how small the offense,
either resolve it right then, or truly let it go. But
remember that love "doesn't keep score."
All this sounds real good on Sunday morning. But how do we
work that out during the week with those folks who are
causing us so much grief? Here are some ideas that I hope
will be helpful as you work on that difficult relationship.
A. Love the other person because it is difficult to resist
genuine love. Think what this means. The other person is
thinking of you, "she is trying to please me; she is doing
her best to do what is right; she doesn't expect anything
in return; she is just loving me." When someone is
genuinely putting forth that type of effort, it is
difficult to turn away from her. Romans 12:20 says this
will "heap coals of fire on their head."
B. Don't try to control the other person. "Guilt trips" and
manipulation are dishonest, easy to spot and will only
aggravate the situation. You do them a favor expecting one
in return. Or you try to make them feel badly because they
didn't do what you expected.
One of the most pointed examples of this in my own life
occurred with my mother. We lived near each other and
attended the same church. She often kept my toddler on
Saturday nights or picked her up for church on Sunday
mornings.
One Saturday evening I was attending a convention that had
been required by my boss. I wasn't exactly excited about
the event, but it was considered part of my job. So I went.
The meeting was some drive from my home and lasted until
very late. By the time I got home and in bed, I was very
tired. I got up the next morning and dragged myself to
Sunday School. I knew I was late but felt I should go
anyway.
My mother met me at the door and literally hissed, "You're
late!" I was stunned. And then I was angry. I was 30 years
old when this happened. You're thinking that maybe I moved
to another church? No, I moved to another town! It's easy
to resist someone, even someone as close as your mother,
when that person is trying to control you. Even though I
desperately needed her to help me with my little girl, I
was not willing to give up control of my life to get that
help.
C. Tell the other person that you love them - and mean it.
When I'm struggling with someone, I find it a challenge to
just say, "I love you." But sometimes I make myself go
ahead and say those simple words. Often, this begins to
melt my hard and unloving heart, and reminds me of what my
Heavenly Father expects of me. I am convicted of not loving
that person, regardless of the reason. And I begin to think
of what I can do to show that person that I truly do love
them.
I have tried this before. Not as a ruse or to manipulate.
But to try to encourage a relationship when my feelings
were weak and I was tired of trying. One day I said, "I
love you" because it seemed like the right thing to do and
helped me focus on my responsibility. Surprisingly, the
other person came back with "I love you too," and there was
a gentleness that had been missing for some time. I was a
little bit amazed at the response and ashamed. I wondered
how long it had been since I had said that and meant it.
Feeling encouraged, I worked a little harder with that
person. Along with other efforts, I began making a
conscious effort to say "I love you" whenever we were
parting. Gradually, and over several months, I noticed that
our entire relationship began to soften and heal. I know
this wasn't all that went into that effort. And obviously,
I wasn't the only one trying. But deep in my heart, I know
this helped. When we said those simple words (and truly
meant it), both of us were reminded that we really did love
each other. That we had allowed daily trials and
frustrations to get in our way. That there was something
more important at stake here and we couldn't afford to
forget it.
When we're trying to heal broken relationships, it's
important to use anything and everything we can possibly
imagine that might help. Nothing is as painful as a rift
from someone you have had a relationship with. And I can
think of nothing as precious as reuniting with that person
in love.
I Corinthians 13:13 "And now these three remain: faith,
hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
My prayer for all of you is that you will have the faith
and heart to continue working on broken and difficult
relationships. Today, I also offer a special prayer for the
brave mother who had the courage to write, "I think my
daughter hates me," and thus inspired this series of
articles. In her last letter, this mother mentioned that
she has some hope for a relationship with that same
daughter. From the letters I've received, this seems to
have been helpful to many other mothers (and daughters). I
appreciate your opening your heart and writing to me, and
allowing me to share my thoughts and heart with you.
I Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love
covers over a multitude of sins.
With all my heart,
Lillian
===============================
4. Share The Lilly Pond
===============================
If you know someone who would enjoy having The Lilly Pond
ezine, please feel free to forward this issue to them.
If you received this ezine from a friend and you'd like to
subscribe, you can go to http://www.TheLillyPond.com and
subscribe for free or just send an email to
thelillypond@thelillypond.com and put "SUBSCRIBE" in the
Subject line. Thanks.
===============================
5. How to Submit Your Story
===============================
Remember what I said now, I really want your stories! So
get busy and when you're all finished, here's what I need
you to do. At the end of your story, be sure to write:
++ Your first name, last name, city and state. (This is for
our files only.)
++ Whether you want me to use your first name, initials or
no name at all. (This is for publication. In any event, I
will not publish your last name.)
++ Whether you want me to use your state or no location at
all. (This is also for publication. In any event, I will
not publish your city.)
++ Please say clearly: either YES, THE LILLYPOND HAS
PERMISSION TO PUBLISH your story or question, or FOR
LILLIAN'S EYES ONLY AND NOT FOR PUBLICATION. I treasure
your confidence and respect your privacy above all.
Just send your story by email to stories@thelillypond.com
I'm waiting to hear from you!
Note from the Legal Pad: If you do grant permission to
publish your story, you would also be granting me the right
to make very minor edits for spelling, grammar and
readability; to make minor edits to preserve your
anonymity; and to use your letter in my other publications
and books.
===============================
6. Contact Me
===============================
Your comments are welcome. Click here to email me.
Thanks for reading!
With all my heart, Lillian
===============================
|
