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The Lilly Pond |
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July 17, 2001 - Issue 10 |
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Greetings
and thanks for subscribing to TheLillyPond.com ezine! I’m Lillian Hinds
and this ezine is dedicated to all mothers, daughters and the other
important women in their families. Its goal is to give you a lift and
inspire you with enjoyable true stories from you and from me about
mother-daughter relationships. Because
we respect your privacy and value your subscription, we don’t share your
email address with anyone. If you’d like to be removed from our mailing
list, please see instructions at the end of this ezine. =============================== Regardless,
one evening after my beau, Doug, and I returned from the movies, we had an
argument on the front porch. I still remember what it was about. Doug told
me that he and his friend, Walter, were going to meet at the local Drive
In so they could talk and drive around for a while. I just knew they were
going to be looking up some of those wild and loose girls that didn't have
to be in by 10:00 p.m. And I was mad. I
guess we got a little loud and Mama had cautioned me that the man next
door sat on his porch until late at night and the neighbor across the
street always had her blinds open to watch the comings and goings on our
street. Anyway,
Mama heard me arguing and called me sweetly, but sternly, "to come in
the house now." I told her "just a minute" and argued for
another five minutes. Doug was trying to calm me down and assure me that I
was the only girl for him. The
next time Mama hollered at me, Nanci Lucille LaBarbera, get in this house
this minute!" And like an idiot, I hollered back with, "Just a
minute, Mom, ok?" Then I
noticed that Doug was looking over my shoulder and backing up. But I was
still fussing. All of a sudden Mama pushed the screen door open with one
hand, grabbed me with the other hand, and somewhere in there, she had a
broom and swished my boyfriend off the front porch. He ran
off the porch, vaulted the white picket fence and jumped into his
convertible and he was gone. (Thank goodness the top was down!) Mama
had a fierce look in her eye and chuckled as she said, "Girl, I've
told you for the last time to get in this house." This time I just
said, "Yes, Ma’am" and went into the house. I should have
known that when my mother used my full name at 10:30 at night, I should
have taken her seriously. That
happened in 1957 and Doug and I (yes, we are still together) still laugh
when we remember the evening that she came after him with the broom. Mama
would never have hurt Doug; she loved him dearly as he loved her. I wish I
still had her around with her broom. I sure could have used it a few times
on the two gals I raised. Oh and
by the way, those neighbors were laughing through the entire episode on my
porch! =============================== Just
knowing that you cared enough to write your story will help encourage
others to write theirs. And YOU DON'T KNOW whom your story will touch. So,
write me your story, and see instructions for submissions at the end of
this ezine. =============================== Our
conversation was interrupted but later she called back. "I wasn't
through fussing!" she exclaimed. We laughed and she apologized.
"I know it sounds silly", she said, "but when I get angry
it seems I go all the way back to the beginning of the day and go over
everything that went wrong." It was
one of those moments when I felt that God had let His light shine into my
heart and mind. Because she pinpointed exactly what I do. Only instead of
doing it with a day, I do this with my entire life. Or with an entire
relationship. When
I’m angry with a person or situation, I relive every time that person
ever made me angry. I start at the beginning and do the whole script.
But the worst times are when I have become angry with God. Whenever
things have gone wrong in my life, with my heart of sin I want to blame
someone and God is such an easy target. After all, He is omnipotent. He
could have kept this from happening to me. And on and on I whine and
complain. In
Hebrews 12:15 we read “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and
that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” I have
let a root of bitterness grow up. And over the years, as I have rehashed
and relived every bad thing that has happened in my life or in a
relationship, I have encouraged a root of bitterness. And now there is a
big plant. The Bible says that I have allowed it to grow up. My
husband is the gardener in our family. He loves to plant, water, prune,
fertilize and harvest in his gardens. It’s inevitable that bad seeds
come to our yard. I don't know that he can prevent them. The wind blows
them or birds drop them. It
takes constant effort to keep the weeds out and to provide a healthy place
for his plants and flowers. He
works on something outside every single day. He rarely misses because it
takes so little time for a weed to get a stranglehold on a flowerbed and
cause him much more work to dig it out. Likewise
it's impossible to prevent bad things in this world of sin from coming our
way. And sometimes it’s difficult to prevent the bad thoughts that
accompany them. But we can keep these thoughts from taking root and taking
over. We can keep them from growing up. Our
verse tells us that these plants of bitterness "cause trouble and
defile many." Why is that? Because when we are angry or bitter,
we’re pretty good about sharing that with anyone who will listen. I know
I am. But then I have caused trouble. I have defiled many. I let Satan
sneak a foot in the door and tell me that I have a right to be mad; I was
the one who was wronged; I was the one who was hurt. The
truth is, maybe I have been wronged and maybe I truly was hurt. But
that’s still no excuse for letting that seed take hold in my heart and
mind and letting it grow into a bitter plant. So
what can I do? First I have to take my anger and my hurt to God. If we
read in the Psalms we find that David had many emotions, both good and
bad. And that he poured them all out to God. Don't be afraid to pour out
your heart to God; He is our Heavenly Father and He wants us to bring
everything to Him. Hebrews
4:16 “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may
obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” If you
continue to struggle with a thought or string of thoughts, this may
indicate some unresolved issues in your life. I realize that not everyone
needs counseling. But if you notice that something keeps "popping
up" over and over again, and you just can't seem to get past it, this
may be a signal for you to go talk with someone and see if you can figure
out what is wrong. John
8:32 “You will know the truth and the truth will make you free.” My
mentor in the field of psychology would quote this verse and then remind
us, "And this includes the truth about yourself." Of
course it can be difficult to let go of the past. Sometimes we actually
want to nurse those wounds and coddle those thoughts. We want to keep them
around us to remind ourselves of how right we are and how much we've been
wronged. We don't want to face our part in a situation or relationship. I
know I have done this so many times in my life. And all it accomplishes is
trouble for me and for those around me. God
must have known that this would be something we would struggle with. He
reminds us in Philippians 3:13 “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is
behind and straining toward what is ahead...” And In Isaiah 43:18 “And
again ...forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” I am
grateful to God for my daughter-in-law who brought this thought to my
mind. She may not have realized how God has used her in my life. And I am
thankful that God is always ready to forgive me and love me and then let
me start anew. I John 1:9 “If we confess our sins He is faithful and
just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” =============================== ITEM:
For the series “My Daughter Hates Me,” the third installment
“Something to Talk About” is on the website. This series was inspired
by the need to respond to a letter from a reader who’s having serious
problems in her relationship with her daughter, and by my prayers that it
can help others work through similar challenges. ITEM:
The third in my series of lessons about “Things God Cannot Do” will be
posted on the website this weekend, so check back for that. This series
has been a real encouragement to many. ITEM:
As you can see on the website, whenever we post a new article, we put a
link on the right side of the page so you can see what’s been added
recently. If you’re a new subscriber, there’s plenty of articles that
you can get to from the permanent buttons on the left border of the page.
More stuff is going on the website all the time. So watch this space and
the right-hand border of the website for current info. And if
you've missed any of the ezines, they are now posted on the website in the
Archive. We’ve got an “Archive” link on the right border to make it
easy to find the Archives. So check back to www.thelillypond.com and stay connected. =============================== If you
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Subject line. Thanks. =============================== ++
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