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The Lilly Pond |
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June 26, 2001 - Issue 8 |
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Greetings!
You've received this ezine because you subscribed to it at my website. If
you wish to be removed from my mailing list, please see the instructions
at the end of this email. I don't share my subscriber list with anyone. We
respect your privacy and value your subscription. C
E L E B R A T I O N I’m
so excited. At 10:14 pm CDT last night TheLillyPond Ezine Subscriber
number 1,000 signed up!!! I
want to thank each of you for taking the time to subscribe to the ezine,
for your precious notes and emails, for your questions and stories, and
for sending your mothers and daughters and sisters and aunts and friends
to my web site. Thanks for being a part, for giving and taking and
sharing. With
all my heart, =============================== I've
found strength and direction when I remember lessons and stories from my
mother and from reading your stories. I hope you enjoy them. =============================== "I
didn't know there were so many other women who felt the same way I
do." Or "I didn't know there were so many other women who have
the same problem as I have." It's
more apparent every day that none of us know the extent of problems
between mothers and daughters. We can see feminine products advertised on
TV but its still taboo to admit that there's a problem with your mother or
your daughter. This is why I want you to share your story. If
you have a lesson you learned from your mother or an inspirational story
of a situation you've worked through or whatever comes to your mind, write
it down in an email to stories@thelillypond.com Just
knowing that you cared enough to write your story will help others take
the time to write. And YOU DON'T KNOW whom your story will touch. So,
write me your story, ladies. At
the end of your story, be sure to write: ++
Your first name, last name, city and state. (This is for our files only.) ++
Whether you want me to use your first name, initials or no name at all.
(This is for publication. In any event, I will not publish your last
name.) ++
Whether you want me to use your state or no location at all. (This is also
for publication. In any event, I will not publish your city.) ++
Please say clearly: either YES, THE LILLYPOND HAS PERMISSION TO PUBLISH
your story or question, or FOR LILLIAN'S EYES ONLY AND NOT FOR
PUBLICATION. I treasure your confidence and respect your privacy above
all. Just
send your story by email to stories@thelillypond.com I'm
waiting to hear from you! Note
from the Legal Pad =============================== After
receiving many web newsletters, etc., from various sources, suddenly a
"pearl" among pebbles appeared: "The Lilly Pond!” To me,
it is really such a "gem" that it warrants my personal
contribution, if this can help someone. I
am 67 years old and my relationship with my 48-year old daughter is the
best any mother could wish! As I write, on my desk is one of her many
meaningful gifts to me over the years: a heart-shaped plaque that says
"There is no friend like a Mother and no Mother like you." It
was not always so. Her father and I married very young and were very much
in love. We had one child - my daughter. However, after 26 years of
emotional and often physical abuse (he is an alcoholic), I tearfully,
reluctantly had to leave him even though I still truly loved him. I know
alcoholism is a disease (when I left he had been sober for a few years)
but as most addiction counselors will tell you, their basic personality
does not change unless they surrender to counseling, which he had always
refused. Sadly,
my relationship with my daughter deteriorated and I admit it was MY fault!
In appearance and in many ways she is so much like her father (minus the
cruel streak of course). In retrospect and upon praying and examining my
conscience, I realized that the anger I felt for her father was being
misplaced on her: I refused to see her unless she released her father out
of her life! Of course, then we were both angry at each other for TWO
years! One day, in a store we came face to face and fell crying in each
other's arms. That
was 20 years ago. Since then we've had a close, fantastic relationship
that could be the dream of many separated/disconnected mothers/daughters
out there. When I hear of similar situations, I would like them to realize
that sharing a healthy, happy relationship is such a joyful part of life.
My daughter and I lost two years, never to be regained because of my
stubborn, misplaced anger. I was so wrong!! Another
small plaque on my desk from her says: "Mothers and daughters become
closer when daughters become mothers." As a postscript to this letter
I might add that this last Father's day I had to urge my daughter to see
her father, if only for an hour because she says: "Mom, what goes
around comes around" - she hardly ever sees him. However, daily our
Mother/Daughter team connects! Remember,
lost years are gone forever. Personally, my faith helped give me strength
to see the light. My wish to mothers out there, or daughters if the roles
are reversed, is that they not miss any time with each other. There is
always a light out there for each one of us; we need only ask for it. Therese
in Canada My
deepest appreciation to Therese of Canada for writing about her
relationship with her daughter. It takes a special courage to admit that
she and her daughter did not get along for two years. And it takes a
special heart to share that with others in the hope that someone will be
blessed. We
all have problems in our lives and it does no good for us to ever pretend
that "everything is just fine", when in reality it is not. She
admits to her own part in the problem. Check my web site for this very
issue. This is one of THE most difficult things to do and I admire Therese
for being able to see where she was wrong. Then
she recognizes that the time spent apart is lost and gone. Don’t wait
things to be "just right" before you begin to work on a
relationship - start now. Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow for
you do not know what a day may bring forth. Therese
acknowledges that she was not dealing with her problem by herself. Her
faith in God gave her strength. Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my
shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. I
love the last line of her letter. "There is always a light out there
for each one of us; we need only ask for it". Jeremiah 17:7 Blessed
is the man who trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. Luke 11:9
So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you. Thank
you again Therese for your beautiful letter. May God bless you and your
entire family as your continue to love Him and each other. With
all my heart, =============================== The
lesson “Never Alone” has been well-received. So I’m expanding this
thought into a series of lessons on “Things God Cannot Do.” God is
all-powerful but He has put limits on himself that He cannot break. See
“God Cannot Remember,” the second in this series, on the website
today. More
stuff is going on the website all the time. So watch this space and the
right-hand border of the website for current info. And
if you've missed any of the ezines, they are now posted on the website in
the Archive. Go to the "Subscribe" page and scroll down to the
bottom for the "Archive" link. So
check back to www.thelillypond.com and stay connected. =============================== About
ten years before she died, Mother started taking oil painting lessons. She
had always been rather artistic and many of my childhood memories are of
her making crafts. She went through several hobbies in her lifetime and
she was good at all of them. She learned to knit, upholster furniture, and
make ceramics. For a while she made dolls whose skirts were pillows. Then
she moved on to covering cornice boards, making designer pillows and then
to making her own drapes. Our house often smelled of some type of resin or
rang with the sound of her power drill (Daddy finally gave in and bought
Mother her own tools!). And
while everything she made was beautiful, her oil paintings seemed to be
her crowning glory. This endeavor came at a good time because shortly
after she began painting, she was diagnosed with cancer. She spent a great
deal of time at home in her chair, and she was able to paint there. She
produced many beautiful canvases and friends and family in several states
still have them today. When she died I brought home her painting supplies,
including some easels, oil paints, some art books and an extra canvas or
two. We also found a "quiver" full of artist’s brushes and
brought that along too. My
daughter Jacqueline showed a propensity for art at an early age. She had
lots of artists in her genealogy including her father and my mother. So we
were not really surprised when she began to draw and paint. We encouraged
her first with crayolas and markers, clay and glitter (she still
loves glitter!) and then eventually acrylics and oils. In high school she
was always enrolled in art classes and began to bring home some amazing
paintings. Over
her high school career she did a few odd jobs painting posters, thermoses
and signs for friends at school. She has also painted some things as
gifts. Then one day last week Jacqueline, who is now 17 came home so
excited she could hardly talk. She had been hired to paint. I
was skeptical. Paint what? I asked. The wall? The bathroom? "No, she
said, I am going to paint paintings. She proceeded to relay the
information about her job, how she had been hired, what she would be paid
and when she started work. On
her first day of work I walked into the kitchen about 6:30 a.m. and nearly
had a heart attack. She was in there cooking her breakfast. It startled me
so to find her there instead of in bed saying, "My alarm hasn’t
gone off. I'm not supposed to be up yet." She had made a lunch and a
thermos to take to her first full day on the job. She was so excited about
going to work. And we were so happy for her. Because my husband and I have
had enough jobs to know how difficult it is to work at something that
feels like drudgery to you, and how exhilarating it can be to work at
something you truly love. We
saw her out the door, wished her well and watched her walk down the
sidewalk. Suddenly I caught my breath. Slung over her shoulder was my
mother's quiver full of artist's brushes. She was taking them to work. It
was as if I had my mother Jacqueline with one hand and my daughter
Jacqueline with my other hand. And they couldn’t see each other, but I
could see exactly what was happening. I felt a connection across three
generations that is hard to describe. And I could tell Jacqueline’s
grandmother was proud. ###
Lillian Hinds ### =============================== If
you received this ezine from a friend and you would like to subscribe and
receive your own copy of The Lilly Pond, you can go to thelillypond.com
and subscribe for free or click here to send an email to us with "SUBSCRIBE" in the Subject line. Thanks. =============================== Thanks
for reading! With
all my heart, Lillian =============================== |
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